Budget-conscious Medic Gifts

'As a cost-containing measure, I'm going to give you your second opinion along with your first one.'

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Doc, my arm is killing me, but I don't know how I can afford care. My deductible is through the roof and I just got laid off my job."

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

Elevator charge $1.00.

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

Underwater on the Car

"He quit online counseling. This gives him the same sympathy, but cheaper."

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"It's the hospital board performing surgery on the budget."

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

Man bites on stick - "That other painkilling method is of course a lot more expensive."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Al's Kwiki-Fix Garage. Why is it that when you guys "run over the estimate", you're never backing up? (Published previously on 1/24/2000.)

"Your disgust over ballooning healthcare costs is just a natural part of the aging process."

Sam's Nation Building

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

"I'm going to prescribe a generic placebo."

Senior Brand Name Medicine Cabinet

'Doc, before you jab it to me, what's the sticker price?'

"It's elective surgery. Shouldn't I get a discount for the time you save not dealing with insurance forms?"

'This is what telemedicine looks like for a small practice like ours.'

The management consultants recommended the use of more portable technology on the wards...but we couldn't afford laptops.'

"Get used to it...I think we're going to be eating them for a while yet..."

'The armed forces are having to respond to new kinds of threat.'

'You would save money on the long run if you'd let me throw in an autopsy with the procedure.'

'Rooms are $200 a day, did you want nurses..? bed...? Sheet...?'

'I don't care if this security software was a bargain; it shouldn't reply with 'close enough' when I enter the wrong password.'

'The good news is these grades are not good enough for me to get into an expensive college.'

Do you have health insurance ?

'Yes, high prices saves lives - the more a patient pays, the quicker the recovery!'

Vulture oil inc.