Budget-conscious Celebrator Pillows

"Thats where the party budget ran out."

"We only got six days of funding."

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"Happy new year!"

"I'm trying to figure out the right headache-inducing place for my birthday."

"I'm sorry, due to budget cuts we had to reduce kitchen staff."

Carbon-Friendly Christmas Tree

'What will it cost me for you to elope?'

You're forcing 2,000 tulips for one girl's sweet 16 party?! Yep. Haven't they heard? The country's having really tough times. Tree's Tree Nursery. Organic. Plant food. The family is concerned. They're making sacrifices, too. Oh? They wanted 3,000. Golden parachutes all around.

'At these prices I won't be able to say much!'

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

"Christmas shopping done - the trolley only cost a quid."

The cost of Halloween.

Christmas jig

"Why did you tell them we are vegetarians?

'I'm not trying to be romantic. I've had my electricity cut off.'

"This is of course a totally fake fur coat and ten thousand dollars is a lot of money, but quality and political correctness cost!"

Queen Mum (colour)

Austerity Christmas Crackers.

'Cecil takes me to the museum every Saturday.' - 'What's he studying, economy?'

'Hello - I'm the ghost of Christmas, low-budget, no-frills recession of doom'

'This year I did it the other way around...I first celebrated the New Year and then Christmas...Nobody noticed.'

"I could have bought the steaks you asked for...but then I remembered the kids will be starting college in only 7 or 8 years!"

Man toasting man: 'To our health insurers.'

'Are you sure 15 years married is Pot Noodle? I thought it was crystal.'

"The accountant says we've got to cut costs, next year it's got to be 55% naughty and only 45% nice."

Sexy Christmas.

'Sorry Santa we're over budget for 'meeting the dreams of young children' and we won't have funds for 'screams of delight' until 2016 at the earliest.'

'Santa has swine flu - Happy Easter.'

'Sure, I know diamonds are a girl's best friend. But couldn't cubic zirconia be a really acquaintance?'

"Cheer up, girl...it's...payday!!"