Budget Buddy Pillows

"I just..."

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

I decided to splash out for my girlfriends birthday - I went to the Poundshop instead of the 99p Shop

'I'm not concerned that coffee might keep me awake all night. I have credit problems that do that for me.'

"You shouldn't worry about the bills, Dad. C'mon! Let's live a little!"

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"Can you give me a haircut that says, 'If you mess with my budget I'll rip out your soul, wring it like a dish towel, and drink it from a teacup'?"

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I couldn't imagine bringing a child into the current fiscal-cliffy world.'

"The good news is that profits are up 76%. . . The BAD news is that costs are up 83%."

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

DIY marriage counseling.

"This guy might like fiddling with numbers, Dad – but is he any good at sums?"

Occupy Budget Balancing

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

Overdraft limit.

The spend is high

Your tax $ at WAR.

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

Small Businesses Go Under.

"Hired! You're just what we need in our budget office!"

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

'Our expenses have decreased 20 per cent since we started refilling our own ink jet cartridges.'

"There's so much money around now we've started using it as toilet paper."

'Wait a minute....!

"I think it's time we cashed in our spare change. We could probably pay off our house."

'The legislation HR2109 would increase state aid to education. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for you.'

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

'Well, well. You made more money last year than you did the year before -- You people never learn, do you?'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"The government's finance settlement is coming out really late this year!"

7.9% Fewer Drones

Osbourne plans for another 'Giveaway' Budget