Brother With Dogs Gifts

"Oh Christ! Not again, surely."

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

A large leaf falling on a dog

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

Collies Without Borders

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

'They're dog roses!'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

Pet Entertainers

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

State of the Art Dog.

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

Two boys eating ice cream

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

Dog Sees Only Food

Dog Igloo.

"I'm OK. But I think the dog wants to go out."

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

When Dogs Rule