Broadcasters Gifts

"I don't even know when late night begins anymore."

In international news, a food store in India was closed because the salami was rancid. In other words, the Delhi deli was too smelly! An Egyptian student was caught cheating by the test monitor, who withheld his scholarship. The Cairo proctor docked him! A young teen welsh coal miner married a woman pushing fifty. Minor miner wed a forty-niner! No more wise cracks, Ernie! After this final story. Just say "Goodnight" to the viewers! In Italy, a major food manufacturer has temporarily halted produ

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Bill O'Reilly'

Rush Limbaugh, 1951-2021

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'If only every year was an election year.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

Dialogue

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Local News in Heaven

'Och lye the news'

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

Malcolm Sargent

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

'NBC has revealed plans for a new, humorous version of The Office.'

Presenter Auditions.

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

Corrupt and Unresponsive