Broadcast Humorists Pillows

'I wrote on this piece of cardboard because the teleprompter is broken. Just say something about technical difficulties and we'll be right back after these messages or whatever. Just don't read this on air!'

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

Grimm's Reality Tales.

Football Game Tickets. These seats are so far from the field we'll need a passport to get to them!

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

Bobsled Police.

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

'I'm organic.'

The USA football team goes on the offensive.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."

Busking Elephant

'I sculpt what I see, Miss Delsey.'

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

Elon Musk's Twitter Bid

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

'Uh-oh. They're bringing in the closer to secure the win.'

Goal Post Ape.

Born Cynical,,,,

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

Now you can buy shares online. "Buy Cher's What?"

"His schlock has gravitas."

"The viewers seem to be sated with stupid shows, senseless movies and embarrassing celebs. That's why our black screen has got the best viewing figures!"

It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. I'm devastated. My favorite fast-food place is cheating on me. That's what it feels like, anyway. It's Burger King! Burger King's moving its headquarters to Canada to weasel out of paying taxes! I feel so betrayed. How do I deal with this betrayal, Sadie?! You sound a lot like the CEO of McDonald's. McWhat? Never heard of it.

Dying your hair red at home

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Chris Matthews'

Artist's model for a painting of Hamlet turns up to the studio with a black eye

Seven Deadly Sins. Anger. Envy. Covetousness. Gluttony. Lust. Sloth. Pride. After you've successfully resisted the other six deadly sins, it's really hard not to be proud.

'And do we really need scarves for warmth? And what's with the stove top hats?!'