British Soap Slayer T-Shirts

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

'That's Cat from Eastenders.'

"All I said was, do we have to watch your telenovela tonight."

"I'm looking for something with low clearance. Something monsters won't be able to get under."

'Oh, sure, I should wake him up...but I asked him to kill that thing a week ago!'

'Oh for crying out loud, so there's a spider in the bathtub!!'

How to Get Rid of All the Snow

"Hey, everyone! This thing is made out of soap!"

'They should be nice and clean -- my mother washes my mouth out with soap every @#$%@#$ day!'

'Faster Grace, it's gaining on you!'

"Sales of banana flavoured reindeer soap are dreadful...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what Christmas is all about!"

"I think I know what happened to that missing bar of soap, Gerald."

'Is that true? - Did you tape over her soap opera?'

"Josephine, my man!"

'This is my window on the world - I'll start your dinner when the adverts come on!'

"The witness may continue. I was just killing a spider."

"He keeps saying 'universe' then 'cosmos'... what is what, for heaven's sake?"

'Gah! Spider!' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Oh, hello insomnia.'

"Of course I don't love you just because you can open jars. You can also kill spiders."

'Erm, shall we put out our torches, folks? They've got security lighting.'

"Sorry. I have no interest in being your gay best friend. Try human resources."