British Sitcoms Gifts

Dawn French.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

Pet Entertainers

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

Derek and Clive (Dudley Moore and Peter Cook).

Happy Birthday Magicians of America

Peter Cook

"What you have is what we call Cactunitus. It's when your skin is so dry you start to morph into a cactus."

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

My client vigorously denies your charges. He says he has great respect for what makes you special. He knows that you like Amy Winehouse, watching The Office, secondhand clothes. You're reading off my Facebook page. He knows you're on Facebook. You're both off my friends list.

BLEAK PROSPECTS: DOWNSIZING FOR THE NINETIES

Clownton Abbey

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'

"I'm exhausted! I've just binge-watched the entire series of 'Fresh Air and Exercise.'"

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

Gogglebollox.

'BBC Antics Roadshow'.

English People With Servants Having Problems - On Demand

Barbara Windsor

'We checked the entire apartment and there's no sign of this 'Rapunzel' lady... Although we did find a suspicious hair. Want me to have forensics check to see if it's a match?'

"I'm sure if we stand around here long enough, something funny will happen."

Down with canned laughter.

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

Rowan Atkinson

Rowan Atkinson,

F&E Cable Co. Sports. Movies. Special. 500 Channels. When you list the options in the cable package, call it "BBC America," not "The English Channel."

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

'No doubt about it - he'd make a lovely Home Guard dog!'

Norman Fell

The "staring back at you" channel

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

"Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."