British Sitcoms Gifts

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

Pet Entertainers

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

"What you have is what we call Cactunitus. It's when your skin is so dry you start to morph into a cactus."

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

BLEAK PROSPECTS: DOWNSIZING FOR THE NINETIES

"I'm exhausted! I've just binge-watched the entire series of 'Fresh Air and Exercise.'"

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

'BBC Antics Roadshow'.

English People With Servants Having Problems - On Demand

Gogglebollox.

Barbara Windsor

'We checked the entire apartment and there's no sign of this 'Rapunzel' lady... Although we did find a suspicious hair. Want me to have forensics check to see if it's a match?'

"I'm sure if we stand around here long enough, something funny will happen."

Down with canned laughter.

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

Rowan Atkinson,

'No doubt about it - he'd make a lovely Home Guard dog!'

The "staring back at you" channel

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

"Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."