Bridal Humor Appreciator Pillows

'This can't be a good sign.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Try Mediation

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'He does.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'You may now kick the bride.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

The Aisle

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"You may now kiss the bride."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'