Bridal Humor Appreciator T-Shirts

'This can't be a good sign.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'He does.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'You may now kick the bride.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

The Aisle

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

Barry's fear of commitment crops up again.

'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"You may now kiss the bride."