Bridal Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'You're going to have a honeymoon you'll never forget. . .I've been practising for two years.'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Try Mediation

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'He does.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'You may now kick the bride.'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

The Aisle

'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"You may now kiss the bride."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'