Bribe Genius Gifts

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Shampoo.

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"Sales are up 38% since the name change."

You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it.

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

Jokes machine.

Dangling Carrots

"It seems our precious three year old hacked into the White House with his playtime computer!"

"You guys need to #@%!% fight harder. You're all #@%!% wimps! You call yourselves a #@%!% army? Bull%#!*!"

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."

Jerry had a difficult time coming up with cartoon ideas over the noise his dogs made. '...so then the cat says, 'No, thanks. I'll clean it myself.' 'Ha,ha! Yeah, that's a good one,Phil!'

"Sign the contract first kid, then you get the sweets!"

Sinking cruise ship, with band member saved by floating on cello.

If you pony is difficult to catch...take a good supply of lump sugar with you...and eat as much of it as you can.

"Give me insights on marketing to your age demographic...and I'll give you a bright shiny penny."

"Need help with your computer project? I have two teens at home."

This Amount of Computer Code

You can make a quick profit on that one, if you don't mind holding it for a couple of years

"And you laughed when I had it installed."

'You aren't taking your vision health seriously, Mr. Scott.'

Focoso - to sing with fire and passion.

'I can't understand why nobody ever goes wit my investment ideas.'

"Let's stop this before we both say a lot of things we mean."

"Well—yeah, maybe I could use a sidekick."

The Mighty Wotizzit?! Part 15

Casino. Ask about our frequent take-a-flyer program.

"I'm going green, too. I'm finally going to mow the lawn."

Mic drop

'Stand-up climatologist...'

"Oh, I did my homework, alright. I found a paradise called 'online school helper'."

This Digital Life - as experienced by the bottom of a coffee cup.