Breakup Navigator T-Shirts

"It's not you, it's. . . oh, who am I kidding? Yes, it's you."

"What I like best about you is how you, er ...the way you, ummm....You know, there's actually nothing I like about you."

In the Guru District

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Couples' therapy

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

'Great Therapy!'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

"There's something I have to tell you."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

Yeah, you're right. She's playing hard-to-get.

"When we first started seeing each other, we would always use the same word for snow."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

Can we talk about our attorney-client relationship?

'When I said I would move mountains for you, it was just a figure of speech!'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"Dr. Stolner says it might be nice if I let you see my dark side."

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."