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Just Married

"OK, now what?"

'We've been married for a month - When are you going to put me down?'

Lady vicar offering new bride a husband owner's manual.

I know we've only been married three weeks, dear, but it seems like you should know where the kitchen is by now!

"I'm sorry darling. It's just not something I ever learned to do."

"Jerry, I don't think that you will find any help in your field mauals."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"...until death do you a favor."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

Is that pancake ready yet?

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"You might ask, 'Can two people who love each other find happiness in an era of skyrocketing deficits?' I think they can."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Would you care to accessorize each other?"

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"Get a tomb!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'