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Just Married

"OK, now what?"

'We've been married for a month - When are you going to put me down?'

Lady vicar offering new bride a husband owner's manual.

I know we've only been married three weeks, dear, but it seems like you should know where the kitchen is by now!

"I'm sorry darling. It's just not something I ever learned to do."

"Jerry, I don't think that you will find any help in your field mauals."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"...until death do you a favor."

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

Is that pancake ready yet?

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"You might ask, 'Can two people who love each other find happiness in an era of skyrocketing deficits?' I think they can."

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

'Are we there yet, I love surprises.'

"Get a tomb!"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'