Breakfast Economist Pillows

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

Power breakfast.

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

It was then that Cervantes was inspired.

'How do you want your eggs, too hard or too soft?'

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

'Is this the new product?' - 'Yes, a rocket filled with cornflakes.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

F&E Diner. You asked for a hot breakfast, so I put some jalapenos on your corn flakes!

'Mom, I don't care how high in fiber they are. Broccoli flakes are going to fail as a breakfast cereal.'

Chicago School of Home Economics

Toast with faces popped up from toaster.

'I'm all for GM food, it's done wonders for my profit margins!'

Moral Fruit and Fiber Cereal

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"I got the bagel less everythinged, and that has made all the difference."

World Cup breakfast.

Wife at breakfast: 'We're out of sugar - how about chocolate milk on your cereal?'

"None of this news seems 'fit to print' to me!"

'Sometimes I think you don't listen to a word I say!'

Muse/Museli

French-America Cuisine: Corn Flake Flambe!

'The newspaper strike hasn't affected you at all, has it?'

'I ordered a blueberry muffin - Not a Blackberry muffin!'

'I didn't use a plate because my soldiers are underequipped.'

Fatalism and the Seeds of Doubt

"Remember, never put all your eggs into one omelet."

Cow sneezes milk at breakfast.

'You think I don't like oatmeal predicated on the fact that I haven't had it in forty-seven years but there is no substantial reason based solely on breakfast choices I might have made in front of or to you for you to make that assumption.'

"Dad needs the step ladder to finish making your breakfast. The pancakes are stuck to the ceiling."