Breakable Banisher Gifts

'Anything I can break has to go.'

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

I wish you kids would get off your electronics and learn a practical skill. Work with your hands! What does he think we're doing?!! Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.

"That's an everblue."

Basketball Tourney. Ernie, you're crushing everybody in the office basketball pool! You've picked the winner of every game so far! It's amazing because you don't know a thing about basketball. For you, picking the winner of every tournament game is like correctly guessing a coin flip sixty seven times in a row! No, I have a system! It seems everybody has an opinion about the tourney so I listened to what my investment advisor thought about the teams. And with his record of picking winners

"Welcome to Trapeze Talent Inc. If you'd like us to catch you, fill out this form, and we'll get back to you if we're interested."

"Ooh don't stop Bob, the last time you ran your fingers through my hair like this was on our wedding night!"

Shoe Repair and Pest Control.

The Lancet and Boils and Boilmen.

'You've had enough!'

'I've never done this before.'

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"

'Pillow too soft?'

Bob takes care of this monster-under-the-bed business once and for all.

Warning.

"Remember, son, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and anyone who says 'Beer me' as far away as possible."

Ah, rain has stopped, now for the good life...

"You've just raided your last patch!"

You stink at Halo 5. I have no thumbs!

This is a new talking copier, you've pushed the wrong button, mutton head!

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

"I say it's government-mandated broccoli, and I say the hell with it."

For Timely Filing

'I turn them loose in my cave. They're colorful, fun to watch and they eat bugs.'

"I remember when walls weren't so bossy."

"Wait, I just want to kill this fly."

"What are you going to do about it? Call an exterminator?"

A place to smoke.

"Why are you afraid of bugs? You outweigh the majority of them by 250 pounds."

"You should've called me sooner!"

Ace Advertising. Creative Dept. Hi, there! We'd like one slogan and a jingle to go … Easy on the buzzwords and no punch line on either!

"Do you sell insect-repellent?"

No Fly Zone.

'Now, let's just say the fan in Row C, Seat 4, is on your case. You just punch the coordinates into the computer...'

"Before you go out, I've warmed your wig in the microwave!"