Breadwinner Gifts

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

Husband saying that he doesn't care for ruins because his family are ruin enough for him.

When I was a teenager I used to stay out all night chasing girls. Now I have to work all night supporting one!

'My kids have just found out that their friends all get three meals a day.'

"They are what keeps me going. You wouldn't believe how expensive it is raising three kids."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

'Been Away?' A piece of bread looks at a piece of brown toast as if it's got a suntan.

Sana's Back with his soot eating grin.

'You learn how to make dough later. For now, you're on a knead-to-know basis.'

'The body is made up of millions and millions of crumbs.'

"Turtling: When a child's backpack exceeds his weight"

"My mother taught me about baking. She was a great roll model!"

Puppy.

"How are we on bread?"

I bake my own bread.

"Look lively crew, lest we be dashed upon these scrumptious shores."

"Not while they're making artisanal bread."

'If they rise they're scones. If not they're pancakes.'

Early Morning Roll Call.

"Do you have any marriage bread?"

'Admit it, dear, you've been keeping sliced bread a secret all these years in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

Bakery. The smell of freshly baked bread is the only truly perfect man-made thing on earth.

Baker

"Your kneads? What about my kneads?"

"I just dialed 1-800-BAGUETTE."

"Being an everything bagel, doesn’t mean you are expected to do everything."

Toast with faces popped up from toaster.

"Thanks for the starter!"

"Please rise."

Politely queuing for the last Focaccia.

"There he goes. Always trying to butter up the boss."

"Yeah, it's completely irrational, but the smell of freshly baked bread makes me salivate too..."

Deck the halls with boughs of challah...