Brandy Sipper Pillows

'Ah, 'man's best friend' and it's brought by a dog.'

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

After Dinner Cigar.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Champagne

We'll have Manhattans...

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

Deflator mouse

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

City Boy.

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'You certainly have a well equipped workbench.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

Beach flirting

"Whine and cheezed party."

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

'You know what would be really romantic? If, just for once, you sat at the tap end.'

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

Complaints Desk

A very fine vintage

Anton's Bar and Grill

"I'm a retriever but I prefer 'Go-Getter'."

"Detox is two doors back, bro' - this is retox!"

'Gee, mom, you know I want to visit - I'm just so darned busy.'

"Darlin', I finally figured out the true meaning of life. It's a well=worn chair, a nasty old pipe, cheap brandy and a moth-eaten dog with a sphincter problem."