Brandy Enjoyer T-Shirts

"Darlin', I finally figured out the true meaning of life. It's a well=worn chair, a nasty old pipe, cheap brandy and a moth-eaten dog with a sphincter problem."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Too much sugar."

Revenge of the Jelly Mother.

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

An historic event in Candyland: When M met M

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Take two tootsie rolls and call me in the morning.'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

Bubble gum leaves

'You know what they say...live fast, die young and leave a great fossil.'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"Dessert?""No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'Of course it's safe. It has no preservatives, no additives, no artificial coloring...'

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

'You've got to help me, Doc! I've got a crush on St. Valentine all Year!!'

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

'The King of what?'

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"Since you're going to the dentist, I bought you a giant lollipop to go out in style."

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

'Guess how many I ATE.'

'What kind of filling would you like?'