Brandy Enjoyer T-Shirts

"Darlin', I finally figured out the true meaning of life. It's a well=worn chair, a nasty old pipe, cheap brandy and a moth-eaten dog with a sphincter problem."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

"Too much sugar."

Revenge of the Jelly Mother.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

An historic event in Candyland: When M met M

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Take two tootsie rolls and call me in the morning.'

Bubble gum leaves

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'You know what they say...live fast, die young and leave a great fossil.'

7 Dwarves of Retirement

"Dessert?""No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'Of course it's safe. It has no preservatives, no additives, no artificial coloring...'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'You've got to help me, Doc! I've got a crush on St. Valentine all Year!!'

'The King of what?'

'Guess how many I ATE.'

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

"Since you're going to the dentist, I bought you a giant lollipop to go out in style."