Brand Aficionado Gifts

"Another Starbucks on Venus."

'I hate these generic brands.'

Signs that your sneakers are far too expensive. . .

"You can tell by the footprint... those are expensive running shoes!"

Who Would Have Believe It?

"Thank you for shopping and we hope you've had a great brand experience."

'I prefer Brand X myself.'

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

"We’d like a quiet table for two where my wife can justify spending three grand for a handbag."

'Slugger' Sims...Leader in: Home Runs, RBIs, Endorsement Deals.

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

Create some buzz!

'If only every year was an election year.'

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

Creative department

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Important Food Groups

'We've re-branded.'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Someday, these will be installed in every home and business that wants to seem artsy."

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

"Earth – Love the brand, hate the owners."

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'