Brace Face Survivor Gifts

"Relax, Billy, they're just braces, even I had them when I was your age."

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'Tony can't come out to play now, he's on his orthodontopole!'

'There was a slight accident in shop class. I welded my braces together.'

Female chemotherapy warrior.

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

"The surgery went well. You'll be issued a 'Contains No Nuts' card upon discharge."

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

"I hate this time of year..."

New You Plastic Surgery. That's right, doctor, I gave her the bill and her nose went right out of joint again.

'I sure hope you're a marriage counselor.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

'But hey, who am I to complain?'

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

'Gee!'

"Wanna hear a real funny joke?"

"I used to have buck teeth. Now I have 5,000-buck teeth."

"Did you know that cats can give paw?"

'If it has the word 'ectomy' after it, I've already had it.'

'The tide goes out along way, doesn't it?'

'Don't worry. That questionnaire is a lot more intrusive than your surgery will be.'

'I said, now I know why they call you 'Lucky'!'

'You're trying to hail a taxi?... Are you insane? You'll never get one at this time of day!'

"Have you considered spinal fusion?"

'I told you you'd be out cold for the whole operation.'

A holiday maker greets a castaway