Box Office Staff Gifts

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Multi-tasking.

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'It was great. I hated it.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Busy office.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

Sales.

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'...You push the wrong button, and now, instead of our fans enjoying a fireworks display, we've got an international incident on our hands.'

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

Around here it got a little tricky...

"I'm glad you felt able to get that off your chest...now could we discuss next year's targets?"

'And Steven here takes care of the donkey work.'

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

'It's my spare tire. Why do you ask?'