Boss Of One's Own Gifts

Self-employed.

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

A fight in the Boardroom.

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

Golfing Boss

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."