Bored Meeting Survivor Gifts

'When I wake up, remind me to give you a few tips on how to make your presentations a little more dynamic.'

'Jack, you're being way too entertaining. This is supposed to be a bored meeting.'

"Hold your questions until I've talked so long no one knows or cares what you're asking about."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

Lethal Presentation

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

Another day at work would be one too many...

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"I think that might have been one deadline too many for Tim!"

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

"If you're not on the brink of despair you're part of the problem"

Unsuccessful board meeting.

Meeting not going well?"

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

"Sorry I'm late, boss...I forgot about today's video meeting!"

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'