Bookstore Comedian Pillows

"No, we don't have a humor section. Why? Is something funny?"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Only One Item or Fewer.

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

'Hard to follow...'

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

Book Worm

N't. Dear, we're commas. Get down here before you get hurt.

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

Meet The Ghostwriter

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

'I want something by Anais Nin... but not the naughty Anais Nin!'

Larry's Literary Market.

'Oooh, man... I meant to express that as an interior monologue!' ~ Fred, left to his own literary devices.

"I know it's a foreign book...but I'm reading it with a local accent."

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

"Books about unicorns? Fantasy section. Next to the biographies of honest politicians."

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

Great moments in shopping

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Free Range / Deranged

"We no longer shelve gay fiction separately. It's been assimilated."

Eat, Pray, Love Hot Dogs

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

In writing War and Peace, Tolstoy was going for the big laugh, but the more he wrote, the more elusive it became.

'Margaret Atwood is going green'

Fresh milk - Self service

"Have you seen my toothbrush dearest?"

'Which eight do you want?'

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

'If you can't afford one, the court will assign a ghost writer to handle any book deals.'