Bookstore Comedian Mugs

"No, we don't have a humor section. Why? Is something funny?"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

Only One Item or Fewer.

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

'Hard to follow...'

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

Book Worm

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

Meet The Ghostwriter

Larry's Literary Market.

'I want something by Anais Nin... but not the naughty Anais Nin!'

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

'Oooh, man... I meant to express that as an interior monologue!' ~ Fred, left to his own literary devices.

"I know it's a foreign book...but I'm reading it with a local accent."

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

"Books about unicorns? Fantasy section. Next to the biographies of honest politicians."

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

Great moments in shopping

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Free Range / Deranged

"We no longer shelve gay fiction separately. It's been assimilated."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

Eat, Pray, Love Hot Dogs

In writing War and Peace, Tolstoy was going for the big laugh, but the more he wrote, the more elusive it became.

Fresh milk - Self service

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

'If you can't afford one, the court will assign a ghost writer to handle any book deals.'

"Have you seen my toothbrush dearest?"

'Which eight do you want?'