Bookish Reviewer Gifts

"Buying stuff online has rekindled Sean's literary ambitions. They're always asking for customer reviews."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

"Be careful of that sun, Stewart. You're starting to look like the front page of the 'Times Book Review.'"

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

Plagiarism by Billy Widmore It was the best of times it was the worst of times. Four score and seven years ago, Quoted the raven nevermore...

Book publishing.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

The Grapes of Wrath finally get some professional help.

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

"I feel bad about Nora Ephron's neck."

'...and what's more, they're all first editions.'

Literary critics have a very special sense of humor.

' Sheesh! I think people are getting tired of hearing those fables of Aesop's

"With one hand I'm reading the past decade's most critically acclaimed novel. With my other hand I'm searching for enough negative reviews to justify my decision to abandon it."

"What I really want to do is chew up children’s books."

Scene from an early draft of Moby Dick

'Read any good book reviews lately?'

Collected Works of F. Scott Fitzgerald. Listen to this ... In "the Last Tycoon" F. Scott Fitzgerald observed that there are no second acts in American lives. In my case, either he was right about that or this is a very long intermission!

"I didn't learn anything in school today but I'll learn twice as much tomorrow."

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

Major Poets, Minor Poets, Free Agents.

Bestsellers have sold so well there are none at all on the shelves.

'Umm, well, thank you Mr. Snuggles for that unorthodox report on 'To kill a mockingbird'.'

"Believe me, there are no critics under your bed."

"Your husband is critical."

"In my spare time, I write reviews on Goodreads."