Book Collection Gifts

Inbox and outbox for books

"That's my storage shed. It's where I keep all the densely worded, multi-page documents I've ever received and have no intention of reading."

'I wouldn't read that book, dear...it's only there to impress visitors.'

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

"Just what, may I ask, do you think you're doing, Jennings?"

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

Just one of the many ways self-help books can improve people's lives.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Woman blowing dust off book 'Desert Romance'

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Rare Books

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

Characters jumping out of a book.

Great British Eccentrics.

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

The Shrinking Dollar.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.