Bonus Whisperer Pillows

"I'm keeping my large bonus under the bed because it's the safest place. I only risk other people's money."

"It's not much of a bonus, but you do get sprinkles on top."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Jack of all trades

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

Computer Expert

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

Quiz Night...

'...and that is my philosophy.'

'Well look, here come the hackers!'

'One thing about being in the drivers seat -- you pay for the gas.'

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

"Look, the numbers don't lie."

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

''Normal' seems too much to shoot for ... but maybe I can keep you out of the nuthouse.'

"Yow! Thank goodness you've kept costs on a short leash!"

'It took a six hour operation to remove this fiver from your fist.'

Psychiatrist interview an irrational number

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

"If we were a business - rather than a government - we'd be bankrupt!"

Architects and Engineers - Restoration of old Buildings.

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

'As a rationalization specialist I actually have a concept to cut our deficit quickly and effectively - Just do a head stand'!

"Raising the debt ceiling is a ponzi scheme!"

"You're just in time for our 'post Christmas, pre Autumn alternate Tuesday in August late season Sale!'"

How to do without

'Let the ball do the work, son.'

'It's my job to be nosy!'

'He's had too much exposure to wi-fi.'

'I notice you're downsizing.'

Alternative Accountants