Bonus Whisperer Gifts

"I'm keeping my large bonus under the bed because it's the safest place. I only risk other people's money."

"It's not much of a bonus, but you do get sprinkles on top."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Jack of all trades

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

Computer Expert

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

Quiz Night...

'Well look, here come the hackers!'

'...and that is my philosophy.'

'One thing about being in the drivers seat -- you pay for the gas.'

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

"Look, the numbers don't lie."

''Normal' seems too much to shoot for ... but maybe I can keep you out of the nuthouse.'

"Yow! Thank goodness you've kept costs on a short leash!"

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

'It took a six hour operation to remove this fiver from your fist.'

Psychiatrist interview an irrational number

'As a rationalization specialist I actually have a concept to cut our deficit quickly and effectively - Just do a head stand'!

"Raising the debt ceiling is a ponzi scheme!"

"If we were a business - rather than a government - we'd be bankrupt!"

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

Architects and Engineers - Restoration of old Buildings.

"You're just in time for our 'post Christmas, pre Autumn alternate Tuesday in August late season Sale!'"

'Let the ball do the work, son.'

How to do without

'It's my job to be nosy!'

'I notice you're downsizing.'

"The government is confident it has its numbers right. . . we're just not sure what order to put them in."

'He's had too much exposure to wi-fi.'

One day, John found out that not only he could understand animals but his money, too.