Bonus Celebration Gifts

The man who finally got his account in the black

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

Man at desk with two in-trays reading 'urgent' and 'too late'.

'Great news, Dear! I've been traded to a think tank in California for a PhD Specializing in the Baltics!'

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

'I can't give you a raise, a promotion or a bigger office, but I AM going to allow you to have a personality.'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

"I am dressed for the job I want."

The Pencil and Sharpener

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

Help wanted. Various positions available.

Ace headhunters.

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

'I was so angry, I got up and tip-toed out of the meeting. I probably should've stomped.'

'Time to leave your comfort zone, Hoskins.'

'But the good news is, I still get a big bonus.'

'As you know, some of us can't keep up with the pace of new technology.'

'Congratulations, Forester. Your ingenious scheme to cut production costs ... In anticipation of this inevitable development, we are reducing your salary.'

"No, you can't have a raise. You didn't say, 'mother, may I'."

Cog-In-The-Wheel

"I'm good enough at making excuses that I don't have to be good at anything else!"

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"Remember saying you'll give us a raise when 'pigs fly?' Well, it's time to pay up."

"Oh, just great, Dick. How are things going with you?"

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

After party at the spill club.