Bonsai Aficionado T-Shirts

"I guess there ain't room in this town for two bonsai specialists."

'Why do you always do things the hard way?!'

Why the Bonzai Forest struggles.

'I love cutting trees in perfect circles because it drives aerial photography interpreters crazy.'

Bonsai tree held up by matchstick

"Why does this curious plant of his always make me feel gigantic?"

"I don't know what went wrong."

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

Cat to fisherman about his caught fish: 'Let me clean them.'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

"I wish someone would come and turn the vibrating buzzer off on that mobile phone!"

Bonsai Exhibit

"This place could use a moat!"

Spring in Japan.

"Let me through - I'm a bonsai tree surgeon."

"I'll tell you how much wood I could chuck if I could—a lot, like, half a cord!"

'There, THAT tree won't bother anyone anymore!'

"Give a man a fish, you cut your throat. Teach a man to fish, you're a damn fool."

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

Mermaid spawning time.

"When I say I'm rich I don't just mean in Omega 3 oils."

Garden Centre: Bonsai trolleys.

"Every year I lay a thousand eggs. Mother's Day rolls around, not a single card."

Caution!! Slippery When Wet.

"This is the precise reason I didn't want bamboo flooring."

'I wish John would stop using that gourmet pet food that makes gravy when you add water.'

'I need to relax more.' - 'Plants are relaxing.' - 'I need a bonsai.' - '...and here's your care guide.' - 'Say what?' - 'My, my... you're a demanding little bastard, aren't you?'

"...and how long have you been a smoked Kipper Grader?"

'Are there any new species more efficient than neons, such as compact fluorescents or LEDs?'

Still life with salmon

The art of fishing.

Billy strip: pet goldfish (boring).

"It's History, Sociology, Psychology …. but mostly it's a fish story."

'Bad mistake to order the sushi.'