Bolt Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Wait! Do you think the quick release bolts are a good idea?"

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

'Wash your hands, it's time for your piano lessons.'

The Philip Marlow family

Zeus's Caddy

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

"You know damn well what noise!"

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

'I think I can solve our budget problem with the color scanner, color laser printer and this twenty-dollar bill!'

Crime Writer's Society.

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'WOW! Did anyone see the recoil on this baby?'

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

'How many times I gotta tell you? Don't pay any attention to which camera has the red light on!'

'How many pension fund managers does it take to change a lightbulb...?'

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

Man stabbed in crime section of library, writing 'AAGH!' on piece of paper.

High electricity consumption in the summer

'Hey, you should be thanking us for improving your cluster-to-leaf balance.'

One more please.

Frivolous Fraud Squad

Demolition, All Types of Architecture Got Rid Of

"We call it that because Pastor Dave is always aware of kick-off time."

"It speaks to my desire to spend money."

Every day Fred had to make sure he was properly prepared for his job as a social media moderator.

"All you are is a pedal and a cable which helps me change gear. One day, you'll break and be useless."

"Think fast!"

"Does this count as photo I.D.?"

You have the right to remain silent

"One day all this will be yours."

"I'll never forget one day last July- it started right off."