Boiler Repair Gifts

"Yep! - Your boiler's definitely on the blink..."

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

Drool Marks

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

Lady about flat tire: 'It's not too bad - it's only flat on the bottom.'

'Told you to get your mower fixed.'

'I know that it's the Fourth of July, but I still don't think an air conditioner is supposed to do this.'

'How did you train him so well?'

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

'I seem to have a spare tap son.'

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

'I need a really loud horn. My brakes are a bit spongy.'

"I'm sorry, Uncle Ed. I just couldn't save the poor ol' thing. You want to shoot it, or shall I?"

Drat. Your bolts are metric,but my tools aren't.

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 2

Elwood 'I Can Fix This Myself' McGrunzen

Mad Cyclist Disease, the latest problem to plague cyclists.

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"

'Before you say it's got some old parts, remember that you repaired it last time.'

'I have fixed your car. That other whining sound is your husband checking over my bill.'

'Well,here's the answer to why your car has been running so rough in the mornings Mr.Tait...It's pregnant!'

'Oh yes, Leonard's a fixit-it man. Only problem is, who'll fix it after him?'

'Thank goodness you're here. We've been freezing all morning!'

'It gets me from A to B alright but it won't get me from B back to A!!'

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

I hate it when they start without us.

"I think you should turn the water temperature down a bit. The water melted through the tub and then through the floor."

'Good news Mr. Smith.We got your outboard motor running again.'

'We'll have to check your car for pre-existing conditions.'

'I could sue you for being species-ist.'