Body Shape Philosopher Pillows

"Dude, time to hit the gym!"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Critisize your weight.

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Guy in gym

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'On my new diet I can eat anything I want, but have to walk 500 miles a day.'

"Hey, great ab!"

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

"Up here everything is pretty much opposite."

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

"Great. Now I have to worry about my weight."

"How much does it cost to buy a membership then never use it?"

"Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body. . ."

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

"I liked the scale better before we leveled the floor. It read ten pounds lighter on a slant."

What the numbers are telling us

"I was going to mow the lawn, but I pulled three muscles trying to start the mower. It's been a long winter."

'Thinking INSIDE the box is actually quite underrated!'

'Was it the spinach, or was Popeye on steroids?'

"He needs a 'tummy tuck' so he'll look less like Friar Tuck."

"Ugh . . . nevermind."

"Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old... with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio."

'Yes, maybe my high metabolism DOES keep me slim.'

'Doc says I'm in ship-shape.'

Anorexic flora.