Body Piercing Humorist Pillows

'I finally got tired enough of your always misplacing your keys to do something about it.'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"With strong winds battering the country, the Met Office have issued an amber wig wearers warning."

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

Customer to skin artist: 'Can I just get a tattoo of a body piercing?'

"Do you know a good chiropractor?"

Basketball injuries.

Richard Wagner's other Ring Cycle.

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"Here we still are, eh? So much for the gloom-and-doom types who warned us against eating all the vegetation."

'At first his nose ring irritated me, but then I made him tie a string to it. Now I can lead him around.'

Plastic surgery is a scream.

The Cartoonists

"Let's undress and make love!" "I am undressed!"

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

'Now don't complain Mum: You started it by giving me my first nose-ring...'

'Just because Buster got a tattoo doesn't mean that you have to!'

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

"Some Rain Forest this is..."

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

Career Threatening Sport Injuries,

"Take it easy - that one's attached to my nipple."

'Could you give me big tits?'

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

Bill often considered cutting his armpit hair, but then he'd need to buy carpeting.

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

Surgeon using hover mower