Body Perfectionist Gifts

'He pushes his body to the limit, in he search for perfection.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Yoga for Alcoholics

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"Could you keep still?"

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

"We need to create more hashtag-worthy moments."

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

Office Ergonomics.

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"It's just a hunch, but you spend a lot time at your computer, don't you?"

Making it look easy.

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

"Wallace couldn't come, but I brought some of his fussy prose."

Poetry repairman

'Don't just stand there, get into focus!'

Writer

Besties Photo

"I refuse to discuss my selfless passion for public service until my hair, makeup and lighting are perfect."

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

"Stop staring"

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

"This painting will make you so famous that you won't be able to walk down the street without being recognised."

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

'Chair Pose' - 'Utkatasana' - 'Mountain Pose' - 'Tadasana' - 'Standing Forward Bend' - 'Kissmyasana'

Using a social media app to date

Office Ergonomics.

"Page 33, line 4..."

'My chiropractor said that since I had the twins my posture has improved.'