Body Management Gifts

Secretive Weigh In.

"Well, that's the only song we know, so we can play it another two or three times, or we can cut our losses. Waddya say, Cleveland?"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

wattle covers

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

Aging Problems

Valleyview diet clinic

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

Scales