Body Management Gifts

Secretive Weigh In.

"Well, that's the only song we know, so we can play it another two or three times, or we can cut our losses. Waddya say, Cleveland?"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

wattle covers

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

"That's a big fat lie!"

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

Valleyview diet clinic

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Aging Problems

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

Too Skinny, Too Fat