Body Grooming Aficionado T-Shirts

'I think you could be onto something.'

"Absolutely not!"

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"So, how do you want it?"

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'

'Slices Mandy! Just slices!'

'Whoa,Man!...(Phew!)...Boy,that was a close shave!'

How to Pick up a Safety Razor Blade

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

In the shaving cut operating room of a hospital.

"Come on, let me cut your fringe! You look ridiculous!"

The humidity plays heck with Sampson's hair.

Time to trim the eyebrows!

"Actually, Occam, the simplest explanation is that you need an electric razor."

After deliberating on the topic for weeks, I've decided to grow out my toenails. Why? My mane of hair is lustrous and thick. My musk is overpowering. My muscles, toned. Primal. Sinewy. My chest hair is coifed and glistening. But I can't rest on my laurels. The only way to maximize my animal magnetism at this point is to grow talons. I'm a victim of my success. And here I was worried about world peace.

"Well sir. . . you could have a crew cut, flat top, a stiff quiff, a hi-top fade. . . "

"I beg your pardon, but a mustache is required in the dining room. Would you like us to provide you with one?"

'Just the usual, thanks.'

"Yes dear, I'm sure if it were smaller the pepper mill would make a fine ear and nose hair trimmer."

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

The edge on this blade gives a close shave. Guaranteed to last a lifetime.

"Could you just make it a little awkward for a few weeks?"

"It's actually an ink stain but my wife has grown quite fond of it."

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

'I just got so fed up with bumping into things all the time that I cut my fringe...'

'Oh Darling, I just love the smell of your new aftershave...'

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'

“It’s 2025 Roger, I didn’t think I’d still be seeing the lockdown beard..”

Man heading towards the House of Mirrors with a shaving kit.

'Every year I say, 'Just a little of the top' but they never listen.'

Lion with hair straighteners.