Body Bag Fan Pillows

Morgue Waiting Room.

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

'I found him on the internet.'

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

King of Music.

'It's a chinstache. They were popular in the 1800's, but now they're coming back.'

'Does the gym have a motorized version of this cycle?'

Hairstyles

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

Chuck played mean hair guitar.

"You must be new around here, pardner."

Antiques

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Isaias has made landfall, bars, beaches, tattoo parlors and schools will all be open."

Shoe Whore

Woman stuck doing situps has spider web being built under arm

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

"We're expecting quite a litter this time."

181 yeard old, huh? This is the worst fake I.D. I've ever seen. And that beard! Ha! Nice try, Mr.... Uhh... 'Van Winkle.'

"That's great for the right foot, now let's look for the left."

His movember moustache made him feel very distinguished.

'It's more like a very good used you.'

"Oh, no, not the messy hair bun!"

An man with an axe removes tattoos.

"Was that the sensitive spot you were telling me about?"

I feel like he's undressing me and checking for irregular moles with his eyes. Dating a dermatologist.

'We're ok for duffel jackets and stiff upper lips sir, but short on Brylcream.'

Pilates Creative Stretching Program.

Plank

'She's had so much plastic surgery that her body has rejected her credit cards!'

Fred didn't know what was odder: his wife's beauty tip that hemorrhoid cream reduces bags under the eyes or that he actually tried the tip.

Fitness Equipment. Home Gym. Who do people buy expensive exercise equipment? Because they don't have tails to chase.

You can tell a lot about a man by his shoes....

Oh, that's genius!