Body Appreciate Gifts

"I realized that she'd never overcome her shyness, so I had to let her go."

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

"Me, a footballer. . ?"

Rating the Sunset

The Girl With The Draggin' tattoo: 'Hot...Cold.'

'Makeup? This is a tattoo.'

'Sorry, but I think your Mondrian tattoo was a mistake.'

"Alright, I'll talk. Just please, stop with the good-cop, ab-cop routine."

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

'What a view! The motivational poster doesn't do it justice.'

"... And precisely how long have you been reading underground comix?"

Young woman shows off her tattoos.

The Children's Hospital

Tattoo Parlour Could you do me something in this season's colours

'Okay people - let's roll up our sleeves and get to work. Those with offensive tattoos, just get to work.'

"How long before I have a dad body?"

'Why do you want an earring? You can't even see it!'

"Yeah, I want a neck tat with gothic lettering that says, 'Welcome to a career in the fast food service industry.'"

"This is all my own hair."

"Your mother's going to be up there all day, kids. One of her students said her class meant everything to her!"

"I told him he's going to regret it, but what can I do? He's eighteen now."

Man asking for just a small tattoo from a tattooed tribe.

QR tattoo.

'You and your aversion to needles!'

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"Oh yeah – They really are forever – Cool huh?"

"I can take or leave my nose ring, but it does seem to improve wifi reception."

'Now don't complain Mum: You started it by giving me my first nose-ring...'

'This one's my lawyer and this one's my accountant. I've got one of my stockbroker, too, but I can't show that one in public.'

'It's the least I can do. I don't have enough money to get cloned.'

'I can't believe I'm actually talking to a famous tattoo model.'

"We Don't Need Men. We Can Lick Our Own Vaginas"

"I was rather hoping you'd tell me to beget!"

Bob's Tattwo Parlor