Blurry Vision Gifts

"Cruz takes the worst possible view of everything."

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Large print e-book.

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

"With the new year approaching, I was hoping you could help with my resolution...."

"Your main problem is that instead of a set of complex organs composed of specialized sensory cells and sophisticated nerve structures, you've got two pieces of coal."

The Pessimetrist.

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

'Make sure they fit straight!'

The seeing-eye cat.

'Still getting the hang of laser surgery'

'Yes, normally, carrots are good for you eyes, but in your case they only increase your sense of smell.'

'No you can't take a copy home to prepare for your eye exam next week'

'I know Joe's sight isn't all that but the captain's not going to like it.'

Contacts vs. Glasses

"Billy's cheating, Susan is lying, Dave, no, that's Gary, no, Bob. Bob's stealing?"

'Well, if a dog's going to beg, that's the way to do it.'

"Well, looks like it's time for eyeglasses."

Olive that looks suspiciously like an eye!

"Rex, Rex, put your glasses on! Don't sniff that bottom, it's not another dog: it's a skunk!"

"One time you blurred the line between fantasy and reality."

Don't worry, I'm not grazing, I'm looking for my contact lens!

"I had a bad dream that you were getting rest."

Closing Laugh Optician

Optometrist meeting agenda gets smaller on each line.

If you need glasses see an optician. Don't take ours!

"Eagle Eye" Eddie would often ace his eye exams from the waiting room.

Short sighted huntsman

"Okay, forget the second line. Can you read the first line?"

When seeing eye dogs go bad.

Optical illusions.

"If he finds his glasses, we're dead!"