Blonde Lover Pillows

'Alice, the blonde, speaking.'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

Piano Keyboard

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!"

"I don't know what I'm going to do...my presentation is due on Monday and I haven't even started...I'm not sure I know how to speak."

'All right. I'll count sheep, but I thought we were cattlemen.'

"Herb's from Texas."

'I'll bet you taught him that!'

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

Tiny jazz musicians play large drum and bass.

'I took my money out of the bank and put it into municipal bonds...'

Cowboy directions 'Up yonder', 'Down yonder', 'This-A-Way' and 'That-A-Way'.

'You see, I didn't lie, the Internet is full of puppy and kitten videos: We could make a fortune!'

"She's a golden retriever...I've always had a thing for blondes!"

New Orleans Will Come Back Blues.

Tyrannosaurus Tex

". . . Woke up this mornin', and had the blues - couldn't afford prescription for anti-depressants!"

Ranch Dressing

'This is the 'I Fell Behind On My Credit Card Payments, So They Took My Guitar Away Blues'. I'll be performing it a cappella.'

'This next song's a little bluesy number about Ebola research.'

"This next song is about those times when you don't feel really happy or really sad, but just feel okay."

'Would you like me to sing you the news?'

Social Media Blues

"Woke up this morning, forgot my apple id..."

"And for that pain deep down in your soul, I'm going to prescribe the saxophone."

"I'm 65, Mom - I'll play my Blondie records as loud as I want!"

Elizabeth I

Workaholic

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."