Blondie Fanatic Pillows

"I'm 65, Mom - I'll play my Blondie records as loud as I want!"

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

Anthropologists discover the earliest known depiction of Jazz Hands.

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

"Everybody on the bus today was played by Anthony Hopkins."

This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet.""This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet."

'It's one of the candidates for baptism. Wants to know if he can hold the hand that shook Elvis's hand above the water.'

"She's a golden retriever...I've always had a thing for blondes!"

Do you like my bling?

"Now that we've fermented coconut milk, do we build a boat or a tiki bar?"

'Who came up with this 'family planning' idea, anyway?'

"Dude. You need to get cable."

Prosecco Drinker

Hedgehog/Punk Romance

Frank and Ernie's Cactus and Balloon Shop. This may be the worst idea we've ever had.

"If we hadn't met, would you still be producing fringe theatre?"

'Can you tell me the nationality of Napoleon?'

"I remember when he was the same age as me."

"Although a face transplant is theoretically possible you still can't have Brad Pitt's."

Bad Hair Day

"Terrific! A hit! Broadway at its best!"

Justin Bieber

Squirrel Salon

Ask Sadie. And now a real letter from an actual reader. Dear Sadie, You are infinitely wise and stately. You are a mix of Princess Di, Clint Eastwood, Einstein, and Michelle Obama. I, on the other hand, am such a loser. Do you have any advice? Signed, Rudy Park. Where to begin? I did not. The media does as it pleases.

Helena Bonham Carter

"I'm updating my relationship status to, complicated."

'...So it's an orange orange Roughy smoothie?'

I Love Baldies.

"Before I run several extensive eye exams on him for poor vision, have you thought about cutting his hair?"

Ron Perlman

Photographs of Neville gave gals an itch they found difficult to scratch.

Women weighing herself with balloons.

Celebrity Accountant

BEZ.