Blissful Ignorance Enthusiast T-Shirts

"The guy who didn’t know his cholesterol, his B.M.I., his net worth, his I.Q., his credit score, his astrological sign, or his ancestry."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

National Everything Awareness Day

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

Glance Exchange

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"With the caveat that the only certainty in this life is uncertainty, I still want to entertain the possibility of being a pundit when I grow up."

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'Come on, I dare you: I say you can't drink a whole dew drop...'

Optimist

Zoo: No Hunting.

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

"Valet park only"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

Presidential surveillance ass!"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

OM, SWEET OM

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"How come I can't remember what I forget, but I always remember that I forgot something!"

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

"I like fountains very much!"

Truth

"Well, by that logic no one would ever shave a clock onto a monkey."