Blinking Expert Pillows

'Curses! My eyes were closed.'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

'He followed me home! Can he hibernate here?'

NeighWoof.

"I'll have my article pulled together in no time."

Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...

"I said, the brewery has rather overdone the ambiance in here..."

"You can find me on Inkedin."

Come dine with me!

Riding the statue.

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

"You tend to overuse the exclamation point."

Optician: 'I can't seem to switch off.'

'I'm all in.'

The Peacock Is Not Renowned For His Bluffing Abilities

"If anyone can balance a career with motherhood and state-sponsored terrorism, it's Jeannie."

Bird watching in Bolivia

"He's in a high stake poker game right now."

'Previously on 'Mummies and Daddies...''

"I'm afraid Mr. Edison is too busy to discuss your idea what you at this time. Please call again, Mr Fluorescent."

"For the next Christmas party pot luck, let's skip the finger foods."

The seeing-eye cat.

Let the profit-making begin!

'I wonder if they KNOW about each other?'

A Very Good Idea

'It may be a waiter's friend, but it certainly isn't yours.'

'To you, it's a refrigerator. To me, it's a blank canvas!'

"Hey, kid — tell your invisible friend to turn off the invisible fence."

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

"It's not bad, but you need to lose the dynamic verbs."

"Is it your intention to seethe for the next four years?"

Patents office, "That looks like a brilliant idea Mr Edison"