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"Hate? Crime? Violence? Never heard of it."

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Anorak anoraks'.

'Be fair, George - how do you expect me to find your contact lens in this lot?'

'Going up?'

'I think the eye doctor got my prescription glasses mixed up with somebody else's.'

"Brian's in the kitchen doing some blind baking."

'He was a lousy watch dog until we realized he was near sighted.'

Blind Cyclist

A Magic carpet for the Guide dogs.

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

'My eyesight was getting worse, but thanks to my new glasses, I can play 'Monkey see, Monkey do' again...'

The seeing-eye cat.

Hold it! I dropped a contact lens.

"He's so bossy I call him Big Brother!"

Blind woman, blind dog, seeing eye cat.

'Mary, that better have been a contact lens you just dropped.'

Short sighted pirates being turned away from a Pilates class.

'I'd like to buy a vowel.'

'Oooh the Timpsons have got new blinds.' (Blinds read 'Sod off you nosy cow).

Shouldn't you clean the windscreen?

'Nobody move! I've lost a contact.'

'I wonder what kind of thriller I'll have written today...'

Mouse on A Stick...For a Cat on the Go

'Please, Cap'n -- we'll never find your contact lens!'

"Stop, don't move - I've dropped a contact lens"

Watering the flowers in the rain.

'Well, if a dog's going to beg, that's the way to do it.'

It appears that the victim was a nerd

His guide-dog needed some more self-control