Bland Fashion Analyst T-Shirts

The Bland Leading the Bland

'It has a zip-out lining in case of a mild winter.'

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

Fashionista

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

Only Black, Navy Blue, or Grey Suits Beyond this Point.

"Who do we know who wears lilac corduroys?"

If clothes make the man make sure yours don't make you into a twat.

'I'm gonna have to change my hair. My parents love it.'

Short Hair: Expectations vs. Reality

If you're a defendant, this necktie has 'innocent' written all over it.

"No no no! Stripes are soooo half-past four!"

'Her clothes are so way out, she won first prize at a fancy dress competition, and she wasn't wearing fancy dress.'

'Hey, awesome jacket, Melanie! Suede?'

Man wearing boxer shorts being tossed out of Café with waiter adding 'No Pants, No Service' to window sign.

Midlife Madness

'Those shell suits are just sooo 1980's!' - hermit crab in crab meat tin criticises one in a shell

'Dang animal activist! I'm wearing mink because I am one!'

'...Ok clothes, for the way you or someone else could live if you chose to, but you don't so you buy the clothes anyway as silly, sassy statement of defiance!'

'That sweater would fit you better if you would diet.' 'Okay, what colour should I dye it?'

'What about her hair? Doesn't anyone care about her hair?'

'Because if you go out wearing leg warmers on your arms you'll look rediculous!'

"For crying out loud, stop calling those your 'fat pants.'"

'I'll tell you why I have a beard if you tell me why you shave yours off every day...'

"I need a jacket for the office. Nothing too Hillary."

Living on the Wild Side (for timid guys)

"The ads just says 'Everybody in Leather' - they don't say how much."

Men wearing loud shirts are the first loaded onto airplane.

Menswear Changing Room. "Are you serious?"

Gary couldn't tell if people were serious or actually making fun of his new haircut. ('Hey! Nice hat!')

'I'm not a fashion model, I just can't afford to eat.'

"What exquisite taste, my dear! Your dress, made from cotton produced by forced labour, goes wonderfully with the blood diamond on your lovely finger!"

"I find you can tell a lot about an economy just by looking at peoples' shoes."

La Vie en Beige