Black Eye Survivor Pillows

"It wasn't a gift Mrs. Banks. I had to fight really hard to get it."

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

I had my eyes dilated.

My name is Bob and my laptop crashed! Tech Support Groups.

"I hope you like sandy beaches, fresh ocean air, and bumper to bumper traffic"

"I tweeted yesterday. 'Sleep with your windows open'. It was liked and shared by 2000 mosquitos."

'Worst case of premature baldness I've ever seen.'

Lost in the shuffle, Bob refused to stop and ask for directions.

Road Construction Blues.

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

I know it's not on the yoga dvd but a spider crawled up my sleeve

"Sure, playing hot potato is fun until someone pokes an eye out!"

'Has Eric been in.' 'Was I with him?.'

Taxi in congestion - Thank you for not getting out and walking

"Yes, I was a little late again, but it isn't like I have any control over the traffic or how many daily puzzles keep coming out!"

Espresso Lanes

'Oooh the Timpsons have got new blinds.' (Blinds read 'Sod off you nosy cow).

"No, I've never been to the Hamptons, but I have been in hellish traffic."

'Your profile said you were tall, dark, and mysterious.'

Family having barbecue in traffic jam.

'Clifford found that during heavy traffic one small prang and his airbag could double as a pillow.'

Water Shortage

Road Rage Venting Center (next exit)

'Hold on, I have to throw a little road rage at this guy beside me.'

'Excuse me while I rub the smoke out of my glass eye.'

'Your blind date reminded you of a TV star?, 'Yeah -- I think he was wearing Columbo's raincoat.'

'Okay, I admit the photo I sent you wasn't that recent, and I'm not really a male model. But everything else is true!'