Bizarre Bazaar Enthusiast Pillows

"I got napkins, family photos, and the strongest lip balm in the city."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Apple Pie Abduction

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Glance Exchange

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Extreme Sisyphus

Optimist

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"Valet park only"

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

"Who's next?"

One way only.

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

"It's my helper trout!"

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"I like fountains very much!"

'You need some stress.'

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."